I have sat here in deep contemplation over the years racking my brain on what makes a person worthy and I have come up with one distinct question that has solidified my need to understand my own worth.
What would I have to do in order to be worthy?
Now this might sound like a vague question but this question is like an onion. You have to peel back the layers to discover who we are truly searching for. Let’ s start with the basic superficial thing that we all aspire to attain. The house, the car, the job, the relationship, the business, the family, the education and the list goes on and on. This would be that layer of conformity. If we have these things, if we have the image then some how we have “made it”. Do these things make us worthy?
Let’s take a step deeper. What if we were a good person, or a kind and gentle soul would that make us worthy? If we donated our time and energy to others in the pursuit of being seen or heard would that be enough. Would we then be worthy enough to say that we did something with our life? If I gave myself to others all of the time would they see my worth?
Let’s take it another step into the onion. If I built the right connections, the right friendships, the right relationships then I would surely be worthy right? If my life looked like a social media dream and I had made all the right moves with others I would surely feel that sense of worth, wouldn’t I?
Let’s continue going down this rabbit hole for a moment longer. What others think of me surely explains my worth right? If people like me if they don’t like me? If I have a lot of support or if I have none at all. Support justifies my worth? Well, doesn’t it?
The final core of the onion: what is the narrative around the word worth that I created in my own head? We spend a life time defending a narrative that was imposed upon us by internal or external forces. We have made ourselves believe that we have to do something majestic in order to be worthy. We would literally have to move mountains in order to have worth.
So….. Here’s the answer to this question.
In order for me to be worthy I would have to get comfortable with doing nothing. I would have to acknowledge where my life is at instead of hoping that my life would be different. I would have to acknowledge the role that I played in why I am feeling the way I am. I would have to admit to myself that I was defending a narrative that never really existed anyway. I would have to find that place of contentment knowing that I have done the best I could in that moment. Our worth isn’t the issue, it’s the narrative that we have defended thats the issue. We can literally do nothing and still have worth. Doing nothing brings us the answers to everything.
Candace